A Touch of Spirituality

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28

A Touch of Spirituality

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”- Galatians 2:20

A Touch of Spirituality

"He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy.  He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit."  Titus 3:5

A Touch of Spirituality

If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9

A Touch of Spirituality

'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11

So Long, Insecurity

I've recently become a member of BlogFrog, a great online blogging community. While browsing around in there, I hopped into Kate's community and found that she was starting an online bible study on Beth Moore's book, So Long, Insecurity. I'm a huge Beth Moore fan and a long time follower of her blog, Living Proof Ministries. I think she is truly an amazing woman; a huge inspiration in my life. As for the book, I had heard of it, seen the discussions going on within Beth Moore's blogging community but quite honestly didn't think it pertained to me. I have always considered myself a confident woman with good self-esteem, self-worth. But someone who knew her limits - at least that's what I chalked them up to be. Limits. Anyhow, I was simply excited to see a bible study and immediately felt pulled to join in. I rushed out and bought the book the next day and began reading, elated to get involved in a conversation of any kind with other Christian ladies. So what if the book really didn't have much to offer me? I don't have any insecurities. Now, those of you that have a close relationship with God are probably laughing your tails off right this moment. Have I learned nothing about how God works in our lives? Right. I don't have any insecurities. Let the lesson begin....

After reading Chapter One, I immediately recognized that my "limits" are hidden insecurities. Insecurities that I have not faced, but have buried deep and gotten really comfy and cozy with over the years. As Beth Moore would say, we're friends. And Insecurity, you've been a bad friend. I am realizing that I've been afraid to try all sorts of new things for fear of looking like a fool or not being good at it. How many great things have I missed out on because of this? I'm terrified of making bad choices for my kids. I worry about how clean my house is and what it looks like if someone stops by unexpectedly. I worry how my children act out in public and if they act out how people perceive me as a mother. My husband and I worry constantly about financial security and making sure we have ample savings in times of crisis. And most recently, I am recognizing that I have a HUGE worry over what kind of friends I'm allowing into my life. All of these things are insecurities. And they need to go. I'm listening, God. Teach me.

I am thrilled to have found this group of women at BlogFrog and am eager to delve further into this study. I highly recommend the book for anyone experiencing any kind of insecurity and your always welcome to jump into the discussion at Living Proof Ministries or at Blog Frog!

On another note, thanks to all my new followers and for all the beautiful comments you've left!

Happy Friday everyone!

My Ball of Fire

KEEGAN
Gender:	Male
Origin:	Irish
Meaning:	Little And Fiery

And that's exactly what he is: small and fiery. Little did we know when choosing his name while still in the womb that he would actually live up to his given name. But live up to it, he does and he does it well. Small and fiery indeed.

A precocious child, Keegan was born 4 days prior to his due date, he began walking at 8 1/2 months old and could have the child safety locks figured out in no time if he saw you do it only once. His favorite food is broccoli and he would rather sit down to a bowl of grapes than a cookie any day. He loves to be around people of any kind. He knows no strangers and thinks everyone wants to be his friend. He's fiercely loyal to his family and loves with all his heart.

But this four year old ball of fire can frustrate me to no end. I recognize this as a result of him being 50% my child, meaning he has the stubbornness of a mule and he nor I will budge an inch when it comes to some things. Unfortunately, I have also passed on hay fever to both of my children. And so my story begins....

Monday, Keegan's sister, Presley wakes up with a snotty nose. Clingy & fussy, this day becomes mostly about her and trying to make her happy. She's one.

Tuesday, Keegan follows suit. Sneezing & snotty, Keegan is determined to go about his business. Ain't nothing gonna break his stride. My army of Zyrtec, Tylenol and tissues are ready and waiting.

Tuesday evening, Keegan becomes really congested. He has a knack for developing croup so I begin dosing him with tons of saline and making him blow his nose every time I hear him sniff. He goes to bed complaining because he can't breathe.

11:55pm - Keegan tip toes into our room and wakes me up. Tears streaming, he explains that his nose is stuffy and he can't find "Lamby" (a stuffed lamb he has slept with since he was a baby). Can I sleep in your bed? he asks. I scoop him up and place him next to my husband. I grab a tissue - blow - grab another tissue and dry his tears. And I am off to his room to find "Lamby".

12:05am - I have recovered "Lamby" from the toy pit that is my son's room and I hurry back to bed, blurry eyed only to discover there is no room for me in my king-size bed. Both my husband and my son are spread out all across it. Sigh. I go to Mike's side of the bed, roll him over. Back to my side of the bed, I scoot Keegan towards the middle and I take up my position on the very edge of the bed.

1:30am - I'm awake and I have no idea why. Ugh. Frustrated, I try to turn over only to discover Keegan has turned himself sideways in the bed. I reposition Keegan and find another comfortable spot for myself. Husband now snoring loudly.

2:45am - POW! I've just been smacked in the face by my four year old in his sleep. Starting over again.

4:30am - I hear Presley sneezing in the monitor. I roll over to look in the video monitor to make sure she is okay. She's crying now. Off I go to her room with tissues and saline.

5:00am - I get Presley back to sleep and I am climbing back in my nice warm bed. BAM! I'm kneed in the ribs by Keegan.

6:00am - Husband's alarm goes off. Groan.

6:15am - Husband's alarm going off again after hitting the snooze button. I punch husband, trying to avoid waking Keegan who is sleeping soundly between us. I nestle back down under the covers and try to drift back off to sleep.

6:25am - Presley's talking. She's wide awake. I look into the video monitor to discover her standing up in her crib anxiously awaiting someone to come get her. I give up.

I am grumpy, sleep deprived and short. Snot is coming from every direction and I can't for the life of me figure out how such little bodies produce so much of it. I explain to Keegan that he's going to have to sleep in his own bed tonight. I dose both kids with zyrtec and saline and go for coffee. Strong coffee. And I don't usually drink caffeine but I do today. Now my heart feels like it's literally jumping out of my chest.

12:30pm - Keegan is determined to play outside. I tell him I don't think it a good idea given his allergies are attacking him due to spring arriving and he won't budge. He stomps and whines. Remember that stubbornness I spoke of earlier? Yeah, we're butting heads. I digress. I get him dressed and send him outside while his sister is napping. Maybe I can enjoy some peace and quiet. Maybe I can get something done besides wiping snotty noses. I open the office window so I can hear Keegan outside in our backyard. I walk out of the room to retrieve my camera and walk back into the office to find this:

A flower for you, Mommy.

My heart immediately melts. My cup runneth over. How could I have ever been short with this sweet child? This child who loves me with all his heart unconditionally. So I find myself in a somewhat awkward position - apologizing to my four year old boy for my behavior. Apologizing is not easy in most situations, but I find apologizing to your child can be especially difficult. And it was. Of course, that apology was immediately accepted and a hug placed around my neck topped off with a kiss upon my lips. It's okay, Mommy. My thoughts at this very moment: you can have anything you want, Keegan. Anything.

So what have I learned? I have gained a little wisdom through this experience and a large dose of humility. I am also extremely thankful. Thank you, God, for my children. Thank you, God, for being patient with me and teaching me, guiding me along this journey. For all things, I turn to You.

A Touch of Spirituality

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”-Psalm 139:23-24

Thoughts on Thursday

I have recently had the pleasure of getting back in touch with an old friend. I absolutely love catching up with old friends. So to be back in touch with her gave me the warm & fuzzies all over. Though it's been a very long time, we picked right back up where we'd left off as if no time had passed. I didn't realized how much I missed some of my old friends. New friends are great and can make some of the best. But there's really nothing like a friend from the past that knows your history, knows you at your best and your worst and still loves you just the same.

My warm & fuzzies were quickly replaced with feelings of sorrow and sympathy as I learned this old, dear friend was experiencing a divorce. With small children, she is desperately trying to hold it all together for them, for herself and just really needed a friend. I was touched deeply that she thought of me to lean on during this difficult time but sad that there was a need. Having not gone through a divorce myself, I can't empathize with the emotions she is abiding at present. I think I probably told her some things she didn't want to hear. That was arduous, but I didn't feel as if I'd be doing the word "friend" justice if I didn't say these things to her. I believe the words needed to be heard in order to start the healing process for herself as well as for her children. But still, a very difficult task when saying them to someone you care for and love. I know God has a plan for her and shared these same thoughts, but I'm not sure what her relationship is with God at present and definitely don't want to appear a bible thumper. I will pray for her and hope she puts her trust in God as well. While I am thrilled to have my friend back in my life, my heart is heavy. I pray that I, myself, will be a good friend to her. I pray that God will give me the right words.

Sunday is Valentine's Day. The holiday of love. Maybe a good time to reach out to an old friend and reconnect - feel those warm and fuzzies.

To ALL my friends, old and new, I love you deeply and would not be the person I am today without each of you.

BLESSINGS!

Struggling

I'm struggling. Struggling to find balance in my life. Some would say I've got it made - a stay-at-home mom with two great kids, a fantastic husband, the dog, the house, blah blah blah. What's the problem? It is pretty perfect. But lately, I find myself struggling for balance. I want to find the perfect church again that has me thirsting spiritually for more and more and I want to be involved with that church. I want to be in better physical shape and drop about 20 pounds. I want to scrapbook more. I want to experiment more with my camera. I want a clean house. I want, I want, I want. But then I feel a bit on the guilty side when I'm not down in the floor playing my kids or teaching Keegan how to write and read at this stage in his life. These stages are so important and I don't want to miss anything! Soon, their lives will be all about cell phones, computers and their friends and they won't have time for Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders with Mommy anymore. So I want to enjoy every moment I can with them. But I can't seem to find the time to really do any of those things; or should I say do all of these things and do them well. And the eight hours of recommended sleep? How does one juggle all these balls of life? I feel like I'm dropping them all around me.

I know being involved in a church is not as important to God as just being in His word. So I've dusted off my bible and picked up my devotional book thinking I could at least find five minutes in my day to squeeze that into the routine. Even that five minutes has proven to be difficult to come by.

I tried setting an alarm for 5am to get up and exercise before the kids wake up. I've thought that if I did that first and got it out of the way then I would feel better for it and not have to try squeezing it in somewhere else in the day. But the alarm goes off and the thought of getting out of bed and sacrificing my eight hours of much needed sleep makes me ill. Go to bed earlier, you say. So when do I get to scrapbook, watch my favorite shows or simply spend time with my husband after the kids go to bed?

Get the picture? I'm struggling. Struggling to fit it all in somehow. Struggling for that balance.

So I turn to God. I'm praying to find that balance. I want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better Christian woman. Somehow, He will show me the way. So I pray.

Are you struggling?