Struggling

I'm struggling. Struggling to find balance in my life. Some would say I've got it made - a stay-at-home mom with two great kids, a fantastic husband, the dog, the house, blah blah blah. What's the problem? It is pretty perfect. But lately, I find myself struggling for balance. I want to find the perfect church again that has me thirsting spiritually for more and more and I want to be involved with that church. I want to be in better physical shape and drop about 20 pounds. I want to scrapbook more. I want to experiment more with my camera. I want a clean house. I want, I want, I want. But then I feel a bit on the guilty side when I'm not down in the floor playing my kids or teaching Keegan how to write and read at this stage in his life. These stages are so important and I don't want to miss anything! Soon, their lives will be all about cell phones, computers and their friends and they won't have time for Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders with Mommy anymore. So I want to enjoy every moment I can with them. But I can't seem to find the time to really do any of those things; or should I say do all of these things and do them well. And the eight hours of recommended sleep? How does one juggle all these balls of life? I feel like I'm dropping them all around me.

I know being involved in a church is not as important to God as just being in His word. So I've dusted off my bible and picked up my devotional book thinking I could at least find five minutes in my day to squeeze that into the routine. Even that five minutes has proven to be difficult to come by.

I tried setting an alarm for 5am to get up and exercise before the kids wake up. I've thought that if I did that first and got it out of the way then I would feel better for it and not have to try squeezing it in somewhere else in the day. But the alarm goes off and the thought of getting out of bed and sacrificing my eight hours of much needed sleep makes me ill. Go to bed earlier, you say. So when do I get to scrapbook, watch my favorite shows or simply spend time with my husband after the kids go to bed?

Get the picture? I'm struggling. Struggling to fit it all in somehow. Struggling for that balance.

So I turn to God. I'm praying to find that balance. I want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better Christian woman. Somehow, He will show me the way. So I pray.

Are you struggling?